7. Balance is Inevitable - regulating emotions is a science
I want to take you back to school with me.
Can you recall the days in high school science, learning about Newton's Laws or molecular anatomy? Probably not. Unless you are in a field that uses this knowledge, or you're homeschooling teenagers, you probably left it at the podium on graduation day.
Most of us just put in the work necessary to pass the class didn't we? We tend to do this with a lot of things.
We just pass the time each day waiting for the next big event to pass us by. Checking off our greatest accomplishments then moving onto the next.
I'll be honest, I was never an Honor Roll student. I repeated Math and Science and found myself in summer school my senior year. I have always been the "good enough" type of person.
When I met my husband this was brought to the forefront of our relationship right away.
He is a diehard perfectionist.
We learned to appreciate balance in the same way a glass of ice water condenses on a hot summer day. The air and water are transferring energy back and forth until they can agree on a middle ground.
The water finds equilibrium at room temperature.
Just like that glass of water, we humans are made up of energy. Energy which interacts with our environment in much of the same way. You can feel this energy in the way of emotions. Everyone has experienced this in one way or another through different parts of the body. When you walk into a crowded room and feel it buzzing. Or when you have to talk to someone who makes you feel uncomfortable. When you connect with a good friend. When your toddler throws a tantrum. Listen, and feel where these emotions hit your body. Learn to speak the language of emotions and you will learn how to protect your peace. Your body and soul react the same way as the osmosis of a glass of water. Your energy responds to the energy of everyone else.
I truly believe our souls are not confined to our flesh and bodies. When your soul makes contact with another, the body responds. Are you familiar with the phenomenon of meeting the eyes of a stranger across the room? Somehow you already KNEW someone was looking at you. How?
Think of the time you got butterflies in your stomach.
Or of the way you might feel anger in your heart,
and guilt just between the shoulder blades.
As a parent, caregiver, or teacher, you are in a position of power. You are the fearless leader. What do you do when a child is in crisis? how do you maintain authority in a moment of frustration? How do you encourage the child to reactivate their logical mind?
This is the moment when you become the Peacebringer.
When confronted with a stressful environment, you will likely experience your body's systemic response to fight, flight, or fawn. But you can make the choice to quickly return to a calm mind. As adults, we should have a well-established neural bridge between the emotional brain and the logic center. We can see the desired outcome and actively make decisions to get us there. Children are still developing this bridge. They will need a lot of help accessing the logic center if they are stressed. Remember this, and
Pack your Patience.
Do not just REACT but intentionally RESPOND with empathy. If you come storming into the room demanding to know "what happened?!" the kids will undoubtedly adapt to your energy and then their fight or flight reaction will be heightened. As the conscious parent you need to help them build their bridge to their prefrontal cortex (the logic center) and teach them to build up frustration tolerance.
When you enter the room, focus on bringing the calming energy. Chaotic energy cannot co-exist in a room alongside peaceful energy. The same way the ice melts in the glass, the energy has to equalize.
As the parent, be careful not to conform to the chaos.
Lead your family out of the fire by your example.
